Thursday, July 06, 2006

Suggestions needed

Dear Editor:

Thank you so very much for the kind invite. When I received my certificate, I tearfully rushed to my family, showing them the honor that had been bestowed upon me. They acted underwhelmed, however, I'm sure that deep down they were pleased tht I didn't rush over to the neighbors and brandish the same yellowed document in their faces.

Especially since our beloved pooch had just done his business in their yard, and said neighbors would have surely pummeled me and beat upon the head and spine.

In any event, having been accepted into this sacred sanctum of hackdom, I have a query for my new brethren. Does there exist an apt metaphor that might replace "white-knuckled?"

Your servant,



Blogger Dian said...

Well, "scared shitless," comes to mind immediately, but it sorta depends on whom you're writing for, dunnit? "Terror stricken paralysis," maybe? "Taut-nerved" might do it.

9:19 PM  
Blogger Daniel Hatadi said...

I'll put forth this:

rictus forehead.

9:35 PM  
Blogger Dian said...

"rictus forehead" isn't bad, but it makes me think of grinning corpses. How about "numb fingered"? You know, clutching the armrest so hard that you cut off the circulation to your pinkies.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Dian said...

Ah! I thought of something else:
"They began their bumpy toe-clenching descent through the wind-whipped clouds."

1:16 PM  
Blogger James Lincoln Warren said...


Racist pig.

4:13 PM  

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